‘Come in no 35, your time is up!’


My husband and I have been thinking about having a 4th child. Some of our friends say, ‘Why the thoughts of insanity? Whilst other simply say, ‘Well, you’ve got 3 already –what’s 1 more?’ Both points of view are true. There are days when 3 is insanity but there are times when I think that 1 more would slot in just nicely. So how do we make the decision? Flip a coin? Tails for yes and heads for no? Write down all the plus points and minus ones too, well, you’d never have any children if you did that surely? I analyse the reasons for wanting another baby, would it be a good idea when we’re just getting the boys a bit more independent so we can have older days out? A baby would stop that again for a while especially with 4 as I could only really do days out with hubbie and not on my own. Is it that I am not wanting to admit that our family is complete and that 3 is considered a ‘large’ family nowadays anyway?

Or is it that I just don’t want that part of my life over…?

Maybe I don’t want to say that I am no longer a woman having children but a woman who has had her children? I think that’s it. The sad but inevitable truth that although I am of childbearing age I will probably not be bearing any more children. This is a bridging point in the path of my life where I will go from one section to another so I want to do something to mark this passing of age; it is a rite of passage worth marking surely? As I pack away the baby clothes this one last time and wonder at how they have all grown I do cry. Not out of pity but the mixture of being amazed at the babies who are boys I have but how I coped with the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding, (the non-breastfeeding), the first smiles, first cuddles and the first ‘I love you Mummy…’ all wrapped up in a few little baby grows that I’ll put in a box and never see again.

So I don’t think we will be having no 4. I have to face this feeling sometime it is inevitable after your last child however many you have. I just don’t want to feel like a boat on a lake that’s hired by the hour ‘Come in no 35, your time is up!’ So how should I mark this end? Should I do a skydive?? Buy myself an expensive diamond ring? No, I’m setting up a small business that specialises in taking those packed away baby grows and memories and making them into something new and exciting to use and enjoy again. I am going to do the same for other Mummies with confused husbands who’ve found their wives weeping over a box of old baby clothes. I make something new that takes some of the past and carries it forward into pastures new. Our memory blanket is made from 3 of Tobias’ old baby grows cut into hearts and then appliqued onto brushed cotton squares of a cot bed sheet all the boys have used. I look at it and remember…

…and then I see the boys snuggling under it and I have new memories.

 

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About littlewhitecottage

Emma is a qualified teacher with 14 years of teaching in many different settings. From teaching adults and children at a music school to choosing to work in a demanding primary school that was failing (which meant moving from an outstanding school – her colleagues were aghast!) to running her own sewing business for the last 5 ½ years teaching all ages how to sew: Emma loves to teach.
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5 Responses to ‘Come in no 35, your time is up!’

  1. Sarah says:

    We are having the same dilemma, I just don’t feel quite ‘finished’ yet! People say we should be content with one of each, it’s not that straighforward!

  2. Jenny says:

    My husband and I have also been contemplating having another child, we have two gorgeous, wonderful, yummy, scrummy beauties (even though William would most certainly not like being described as beauty!) but I’m not actually sure why I really want another. Is it because I love the smell and total wonderfulness of a newborn or is it that I feel our family would in some way benefit from another member. I think deep down I know that I really just don’t want to say outloud that my child bearing days are no more. At 35 it would be completely possible for me to have another but at the back of my mind I think I have two healthy wonderful children why tip the balance of our household and go back to having sleepless nights and sore boobs!
    Anyway, I’m completely deviating from the point – what I actually came on to say after reading today’s blog was that YES if you have decided not to have any more children this should be decision that is marked in some way – maybe as a way of telling the world that you are so completely happy and content with the fabulous family you have that you have decided you need not expand. How to mark this occasion, well that is only something you can decide but whatever you decide make it fabulous, just like those gorgeous creations of yours! xx

    • Hi Jenny
      Yes I think writing this was a cathartic experience for me in that it made me decide that yes, we are complete also. I’m 35 too (hence ‘come in no 35!) so again, completely possible, but I’d have 3 boys whilst being pregnant have to have a c-section (2nd son caused so much damage no 3 was c-section) and we’d have to have help and it all gets so complicated. I was still teaching P.E at 7 months with my 1st and climbing ladders to do displays! So much has changed and I forget that I am also older…
      Yep, making blankets to keep memories alive is the way for me and if it helps others too then that’s a definite bonus x

  3. Jenny says:

    On turning 35 a few weeks ago I have most definitely seen and felt a difference in my body. It was obviously like it before but I’ve only just started to think about it and realise “my I am getting older”. In my heart I feel 18 and think I probably always will but your body really does not help fuel that illusion. I don’t have a creative outlet like you but I have started my own business and am so hoping it fills all those hours that would normally be spent thinking about days gone by …..
    I look forward to your blog tomorrow – I still can’t actually believe I’m following a blog and not only that commenting on it without really thinking.
    Have a lovely evening! xx

  4. Carol Eccles says:

    What is it about turning 35 for women??

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