You don’t need marriage guidance; just buy a sewing machine…


Hubbie is a city chap. He leaves early in the morning, does the daily commute, works and then does the commute home. It’s a decision he made a few years back after working 6 months at home in that 6 months he learned that although I loved him being around we both didn’t like him being at home. The dining room was turned into a study-come-boys-room with computers and wires everywhere. I didn’t like to go in there as there was an essence of ‘boy-not-quite-man’ that I didn’t like and the boys didn’t like stumbling over piles of books and boxes (it was the general dumping ground too) to get to a stern faced Daddy who would always snap ‘I’m working!’ He chose to go to London to work and I think in the beginning we were all relieved…

A few years on, another son more and hubbie whilst still in London was working for a different company. The hours were longer, the pay was better but he was home later and later. I stopped waiting to eat with him as I don’t like to eat too late and having already picked at the boys food I felt I was beginning to have 2 halves of an evening meal rather than just the 1. I was sorting the boys, reading a story to each of them every night making sure they all had their own bedtime routine and then I would tidy the house. Hubbie would arrive home to a calm and tidy house, how lucky was he…or how lonely was I? What is there to do but tidy when the boys are in bed and your hubbie is ‘on his way home’ and you’re not the sit around type?

I started to sew seriously, friends complimented when I made presents for their new-born’s. I started to sell and gradually my little business was born. My time, and my mind, was taken with new ideas, new fabric (heaven to a fabric junkie like me) and new products. I love to make. The process of seeing through an idea from the picture you have in your head to a physical product you can hold in your hands gives me the most tremendous sense of satisfaction and achievement I haven’t felt in years. I think the accidental pleasure of selling them, whilst great and fabulous, isn’t the be all and end all for me. As hubbie has said ‘you’d do this for free wouldn’t you..?’ and he’s right, I would.

All this was great but hubbie was still home late and I was in my work room –the converted dining room, it’s amazing what a coat of paint, new carpet and a banishment of wires can do for a room -he would come in make something to eat and then sit on front of the telly. In the same house under the same roof but definitely not on the same wave length.

Whilst this is a story of a relationship it’s not the story of a divorce. Hubbie and I spotted that we basically lived under the same roof but led totally separate lives and once you realise this you can then start to change. He helped a little more with the computer side of my business. He set up emails, registered domains and tried to mess about with my first website for me. This meant we were spending more time together actually in the same room. The breakthrough though, I think, was the investment in my new embroidery machine. I was humming and hawing about it but hubbie was the one who made the decision. It was a lot of money to take out of my little business and was I ready for it? He took the plunge, drove off one day and came back with it. He plugged it in got out the instructions (yes really!) and found out how to make it work. I would have looked at it admiringly but realistically I wouldn’t have touched it. He found the letters and designed templates and saved them for me so I could start to make my longed for ‘Alphabet Fabric Chains’ I’d been talking of for weeks. They were great, he was fabulous and we were looking at each other again cracking jokes and smiling.

So now of an evening he comes in, makes himself something to eat very quickly and then comes into my room. He sits on my white chair that has no 2 son’s sheepskin on looks across to me and says ‘what are we making tonight?’ He has an enthusiasm for the embroidery machine and he has a whole range of products he has in mind and wants me to make him. This I find hilarious but I like his enthusiasm and his involvement. We spend the evening together in the workroom, looking through orders, making them up together and chatting about anything and everything. We are finding the mundane interesting and sharing jokes about the mishaps our boys have. We’ve both said how much we’re enjoying our evenings. We don’t watch telly anymore; we prefer radio 4 if anything but we talk like we haven’t talked in years. We’re planning together and as a consequence we’re now making the big move that we’ve dithered about for years. Maybe we both, unconsciously, couldn’t face it as we were thinking we couldn’t do it on our own. We’re changing the boys’ schools, moving to a place where we know no-one and having to start all over again. But I am confident. We’re back on track, working from the same page and ready to face anything together. So my advice if you’re not happy with aspects of your marriage? Buy a sewing machine…

 

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About littlewhitecottage

Emma is a qualified teacher with 14 years of teaching in many different settings. From teaching adults and children at a music school to choosing to work in a demanding primary school that was failing (which meant moving from an outstanding school – her colleagues were aghast!) to running her own sewing business for the last 5 ½ years teaching all ages how to sew: Emma loves to teach.
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5 Responses to You don’t need marriage guidance; just buy a sewing machine…

  1. lisatibble says:

    What a great story 🙂 Glad you are all sorted out and in tune again! The Mixing bowl is my sewing machine 🙂 xxx

  2. Gina says:

    I never got to making a cuppa….. I was too into reading.. so goes to show that communication is the key… happy moving and new start.. x

  3. Emilie Roe says:

    lovely story… wish I could find the happy ending in my marriage at the moment. It’s all ‘we don’t have any money’, ‘no you can’t spend more money even if it is to advertise and hopefully bring in more money’, ‘I’m sick of doing the night feed’, ‘well I’m sick of the whole day alone thing’, ‘you chose to give up work’, blah blah blah and so it goes on. I have no enthusiasm for being a house wife any more, Happy to be a mother but not the housewife. I will not stand there in a pinny cooking your dinner after we’ve struggled to get the kids in bed. Oh anyway, it’s a saga we have to work through but everything revolves around money. Sad isn’t it.
    Don’t stop blogging as they’re a nice break from moaning hubby in the evening. xx

  4. Tracy says:

    Another great story with a happy ending , it also proves one important factor. That both you and your husband wanted the same things in life and were both prepared to make that change “TOGETHER”. I wish I could say my story had a happy ending. Or even a happy beginning.

  5. Laura says:

    Hi, I’ve just discovered you, and enjoying having a flick through your blog. Love your open and honest posts. Especially this one. As I sit here feeding my 5 month old baby, the older 2 are jumping around me, husband left for London an hour ago, I’m pondering my day ahead. I too love making, and I’m just getting back into it after having baby no. 3, I’ve had 5 wonderful months of family time, making the most of baby cuddles whilst the big girls are at school. But now I’m desperate to start making some of the ideas flying round my head. Anyway Im withering on, I just wanted to say how lovely that your husband comes home and chats to you whilst your making and that he gets enthusiastic about what you do. My husband comes home and wants me all to himself, which is lovely, but sometimes I’d like to be sewing as I’m finding it hard to find the time in the day.. It’s all about balance I suppose. Anyway, time to get ready for school run. Thank you for sharing, Laura

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